1. If you catch a spider making a turkey sandwich, it’s likely your Uncle Mort. Non-possessed spiders will stick to eating crickets, beetles, and other insects.
2. If the spider is trying to put a VHS cassette in your Blu-Ray player, it just might be your deceased mother trying to get you to watch The Sound of Music for the 50th time.[caption id="" align="alignright" width="252"] Image courtesy of @amynhawley https://twitter.com/amynhawley/status/252478127966674945/photo/1[/caption]
3. If you get a politically charged email forwarded to you by a spider this Halloween, that makes absolutely no sense, it’s just your deceased Aunt Sherry. Everybody knows real spiders are non-partisan. It's the many blood suckers that are poly-tick-al.
4. If there is a message written in the spider’s web, it’s a dead relative seeking poetic justice… Or Charlotte, who’s also dead.
5. If you see a spider crawling on the ceiling, and it’s head starts spinning around like something straight out of The Exorcist movie, it’s definitely possessed. While spiders do crawl on ceilings, their heads will not spin around.
6. If you walk into your living room, and a spider is playing Neil Diamond’s Forever In Blue Jeans on repeat, it’s just your father who recently passed away. A real spider would be listening to Spiderwebs by No Doubt.
7. If a spider remarks, “When I was your age I had to walk to school, uphill both ways, IN THE SNOW,” it must be Grandpa. A real spider would either die off or hibernate during the snowy winter months.
8. If you walk by a spider this Halloween, and it says BOO, it’s likely cousin Sal. A real spider is scary enough and wouldn't need to say BOO!
9. If you go to squash a mustached spider this Halloween, and it begins talking back to you, it’s Uncle Bobby! See for yourself in this video:
10. If you are a Bulwark Exterminating customer, and you see a spider in your home, you better believe it’s the spirit of a loved one watching over you… No real spider could ever get through our barrier.